By Calamity Jon Morris, Brodie H. Brockie, Gutbloom, Duncan Pflaster, and Ben Flaster
Lieutenant Commander Sammy Hagar, died in Stardate 4213.13 for refusing to drive Warp 55.
Spock’s slacker stepbrother Ray.
Captain Kirk’s personal masseuse, Ensign Rowena Linx. Not only responsible for keeping the captain limber and relaxed so he could perform dramatic rolls, flying kicks, and double-fist punches, her four arms also came in very handy for quick and tight applications of the captain’s girdle.
Enterprise Yearbook editor Bruce Lassilly. “Let’s not just have a five-year mission, let’s have five years of memories.”
Mai-shtagg, the Enterprise’s laundry-master from the planet Clorack 4. His motto: “In the darkness of space, let’s keep the colors bright! Set the washers to spin!”
Medical Ensign Ahern. Tricorder data doesn’t index and archive itself.
The other green Orion slave girl. The one they brought back to the ship.
Alfred the Tribble skinner.
Second-Lieutenant Osilde, the communications specialist who listened to Lieutenant Uhura’s nightly complaints about her job and fellow officers.
Curtis Jablonski, Starfleet Haberdasher - responsible for altering uniforms to fit Kirk’s frequent weight loss/gains, as well as making sure none of the female officers’ skirts got too long.
Ensign Russel “Wingman” Smith, Esq- While on leave on the planet of Capella IV, the ensign takes out a large, ugly Vulcan so Capt. Kirk can score with her more attractive friend.
T’Pau Jameson, Vulcan ear fluffer.